Two years ago, a combination of 40th birthdays and “let’s do it” had persuaded a group of us who run regularly together to attempt a marathon.
We chose Manchester, in part because we knew we could run it together and also because it’s flat! We planned, fundraised and trained. And then the week after our final training run, we went into Lockdown Number 1.
Two years on, we are running the Manchester Marathon 2022 on Sunday.
I am running to raise money for Action Duchenne because my nearly 8 year old, Sebastian, lives with Duchenne. I am humbled by the fact that the 3 incredible ladies who are also running are fundraising alongside me. As I have said many times on our weekend runs, it is about so much more than running.
Physical manifestation of grief
I think every single time I run that I have a body that works. I feel my muscles work and ache and recover and get stronger. I am conscious of the complex biology that allows by body to train. It might not make sense, but acknowledging this is a way to process the ongoing grief I feel that my son’s body does not work as it should, that his muscles don’t repair themselves, that they get weaker rather than stronger, that he will never feel both the freedom and the achievement that comes from physically training your body. I run to pay homage to the fact that my son never will. It is a very physical manifestation of a very physical grief.
It gives me a way of gaining control of a situation I which I so often feel entirely helpless. I can’t fix Duchenne, I can’t make any of it go away. So I use the frustration and the anger and the sadness to fuel the runs I do, to make me feel that I am doing something rather than nothing. I know that the money I raise is simply a drop in the ocean of the Goliath sized problem, but it is MY drop in the ocean, my David-sized rebellion.
Running towards fear
I am not running away from Duchenne as I pound my way round, as I push my body harder than I think I can. I am running towards my biggest fears and the sadness underneath them, allowing both my brain and my body to hear them.
Running alongside Polly, Jo and Hannah is not just company on the day.
Running with them and with the others in our very informal “running group” has made them into some of my very best friends. It gives us space to be people away from children, spouses and work. It gives us time to talk, to process and to both ask and properly answer that question. “How are you?”. We built each other up and cheer each other on. Not just through runs, but through life.
Because running is a lot like life. Some days it is much harder than others. Nothing works and your body feels heavy and uncoordinated. You have to dig very deep inside of you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You need the strength from those running beside you. Then there are those magical days where the training feels like it has worked and you have enough energy to share. Most of the time, it’s an improbable mixture of the two.
The best friends
What we all really need is people beside us on every kind of run.
On Sunday, I will be running with Sebastian firmly in my heart. But what means more than I can put into words is that I will be running alongside people who are putting him in the centre of theirs too.
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About Lizzie
Lizzie has been a fierce ambassador for Action Duchenne since Sebastian was diagnosed, as well as Lead Volunteer for the past 4 years. Lizzie is a proud Mum to two boys, Sebastian and Toby, and lives with her family in Lincolnshire. Read some of Lizzie’s articles below;
