Written by Alex Berbank
Wednesday: Getting Into The Swing of Things
The changes yesterday were about removing phones from certain times in the house, namely when eating, before bed and when me and my Fiancee are in the house together. The idea was that we would be more connected, talk more and just be a little more present. Even though it was just 1 day it was great. I really noticed the difference, especially at night. Not only did I sleep better for it, but I really liked that change. I felt a little smug that I wasn’t using it. I think that for me is a sign that something should have happened sooner but i think that’s the theme of this week so far: I wish I had done this sooner.
This could all be a placebo so far, I mean we’re just a few days in so why would my mental health turn around this quickly? It probably isn’t, but now that I’m thinking more about it I’m more ok with where it is because I can see myself making steps to making it better. Just the act of trying something to better my own health and mental wellbeing in itself lifts my mood and resilience.
Getting Men to Talk
Speaking to the Dads club on Monday, we had a really good open conversation about our mental health. I think still with men if you openly address people’s mental health you can feel the room tighten, the bums get tighter and everyone kind of nervously looks to one another to see if anyone is going to break the ice. I find when that ice is broken we’re actually pretty good at talking about how we feel and what factors change that. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief when they say: ‘Actually I feel like utter… today’ the room exhales and then I see blokes talk as openly about times that they have felt they wanted to change their mental health as they do about their favourite teams chances of winning the league that year.
Practising What I Preach
I tried this too this week. I called my closest mate, something that is pretty rare in the relationship. We have been friends since we were toddlers. I told him I just wanted to talk about our mental health and after he got over the initial shock we actually spent an hour having a really good conversation about it. We may have never talked like this previously, certainly not sober and never on the phone. We live in different countries right now and we said that we both needed the call to get a few things off our chest, and we couldn’t do that as much as we could in our early 20s just because life doesn’t give us those chances to meet and talk like that. It really opened my mind to the thought that all of us to some extent need others to have these conversations with but we aren’t always as forthcoming with that as we could be. Please I really urge you to try this; contact someone you know has your back, even if it’s your partner who you live with and just start the conversation with “I wanted to check in, see how you were doing, I‘ve been thinking about my own mental health and I wondered how yours was”. It just might, like it did for me, unlock a very much needed conversation.
Getting Outside and Paying Attention
Other than that I think the weather has played a big part in lifting my mood this week. There’s something about the sun being out and the weather warm that just boosts the feeling. It seems so fundamental that we often overlook it when we’re on our own personal journey to improve our mental health, but it can be a great asset to call on. I’ve been walking more this week, roughly a couple of miles before and after work. I work from home in this role and it can be all too easy for me to spend the majority of the day inside. In the warm weather however, I’ve been taking time to really take in the parks and sights around me. Set myself a little task of just taking 3 nice photos of something new each walk and I find myself paying a lot more attention to my world around me than I would have done. It’s a great way for me to bookend my working day, I can come back and know that work is done and I can then be present with my partner in our house instead of worrying about what tasks I need to finish and emails I may have waiting for me tomorrow. The gentle exercise releases plenty of endorphins too and provides more time for me to actually think about the day I had. The smaller problems seem to melt away quicker and the bigger ones are easier to understand I feel. This, combined with still writing a page a day in my journal has completely changed how I mentally process issues I face, and I am actually quite proud of how I am doing. Something that a week ago I wouldn’t have been able to say in something as public as a blog.
Signing off for another day
Alex
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